One Question too Many
by artykidd
Summary: This takes place directly after chapter 4 of Retribution (sequel to M). It's a conversation, of sorts, between Raph and Leo.


"Why all of a sudden are you so interested in what I used to do?" Raphael shook his head in disbelief. He looked around his room and starting picking items off the floor. Out of frustration, he started tossing them into random piles.

"Just curious I guess," Leonardo shrugged his shoulders. "Eleven years missing and you pop back into existence. All of us are wondering what you did."

"You already know," Raphael turned his head and let out a growl. He stared at his brother over his shoulder.

"We know that you lived with Jake and Caitlin and worked for the CIA. That's not very specific." Leonardo stood in the center of Raphael's room and watched his brother move around. Truth be told, he wasn't trying to be nosy or intrude on his brother's life. The fact of it was, he missed his brother, and he missed having him around. As much as the two argued when they were children, they were still close. Leonardo missed having that type of relationship with Raphael. Leonardo jumped out of his daydream when he heard his brother slam things around hard. He sighed; the conversation was going no where. "I understand," Leonardo replied.

"What Leo? Just what do you understand?" Raphael looked over at his brother. He couldn't figure out why everyone wanted to know so much about his life, a life that he was more than eager to forget. "Trust me," he pointed a finger at Leonardo and spoke through gritted teeth. "You have no idea."

Leonardo hung his head and thought for a minute. He was trying to make some kind of a connection with his brother but it wasn't working. Maybe he was trying too hard? He wasn't sure but he didn't want to give up.

Raphael sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. _Stupid idiot,_ he grumbled to himself. _I hate this. _He looked at the bottle on his desk and grabbed it, reading the label as he had done many times before. _More steroids to wean me off what I was on before._ He had been taking the pills just like Caitlin had instructed but it felt like he still didn't have full control. He rubbed at his face, trying to push back the thoughts of throwing a punch or two at Leonardo. _They all still have the same affect._ "You need to leave my room," he gave a quiet order. _If you stay, I don't know what I'll do. _ He got up, looked again at the little bottle in his hand and slammed it back on his desk top.

The sudden noise of the plastic orange bottle hitting the wooden surface made Leonardo flinch. He watched Raphael pace back and forth, not paying attention to his brother's warning. "You're going to wear a hole in the floor," Leonardo observed. "What's bothering you?"

Raphael stopped and glared at his brother; he picked up a random object and hurled it at the wall intentionally coming close to his brother's body. "I don't want to talk right now," he growled. His body language delivered a message of anger and frustration. His arms were slightly bent at the elbows, fists clenching and opening over and over. His chest rose and fell heavily with each breath. He was getting angrier and knew there was nothing he could do about it.

Leonardo was still leaning up against the wall, arms folded as if nothing were wrong. Reading his brother's body language, the eldest of the turtles did what he thought was the only solution. "Fine," he said, nodding his head toward the door. "No talking." Leonardo turned toward the exit to Raphael's room. "Let's go."

Surprised and a bit curious as to what Leonardo meant, Raphael followed. He quickly received his answer when he saw that his brother was headed for the dojo. Leonardo gently laid his katanas to the side and picked up two bo staff from the rack on the wall. He tossed one to the larger turtle and stood defensively. Facing Raphael, Leonardo gave the command. A simple "Hai!" and the two turtles lunged at each other.

Much later, the two older turtles were sitting on the floor of the dojo. Breathing heavily, they still remained silent, staring at each other, the floor and ceiling.

Raphael finally relaxed and let go of the wooden weapon. It rolled out of his hand and onto the floor, a clattering noise protesting being let go. Raphael swallowed hard and stared at the ceiling. His had body finally calmed down, worn out, tired. The exhaustion allowed him some control over his emotions. "How old were you when you first killed someone Leo?" he asked weakly. He swallowed again, trying to soothe his dry throat.

Leonardo closed his eyes and thought back. It was their first battle against the dragons. He and his two brothers were outnumbered but they had the Dragons outclassed when it came to skill. He smiled a little at the remembrance of the night. Not because of what had been done, but because of the team work he and his brothers exhibited. "I was sixteen," he looked over at Raphael. "Why?"

Raphael had been taking in deep breaths, trying to slow his heartbeat. He looked down at the floor before he answered back. "I was fourteen," he paused for a moment. "It was about three maybe four years ago so yeah, fourteen." He looked over at Leonardo to see his reaction. It was what he expected.

The eyes of the oldest turtle were widened at the revelation. "Why so young?" He shifted his body so he was looking more directly at Raphael.

Raphael pulled his legs up and rested his forearms on his knees. He continued to stare at the ceiling. "I was out on a job with Jake. It wasn't my first one, but," he let out a little laugh. "It was my first time outside of the country. I was so excited." He shook his head; his fists started clench up again. "We were in Cartagena. Some guy," he spoke. "I don't even remember the man's name," he shrugged his shoulders. "He was just someone the government wanted dead."

"Why?" Leonardo asked. He was no longer leaning on the wall but sitting up straight and staring at Raphael.

"Drugs more than likely," Raphael looked over. "That's usually what it was, or some military secrets they were after." Again he leaned his head back against the brick wall, enjoying the cool temperature pressing on his skin. "Anyway, I don't even remember why but I got to go. Jake got me set up and when the guy came out of his house, I shot him in the head."

Leonardo wasn't sure what bothered him the most. The fact that his brother had been encouraged to take a life so easily or that he was so nonchalant about it. It seemed odd for him to put such a low value on a life, no matter how despicable. He turned his head and looked at his brother and stared intently at him, trying to figure out why his brother even revealed this information to him. "So what happened after that?" Leonardo finally inquired.

"Nothing," Raphael looked over. "Why?"

"What did you do afterwards?" Leonardo tried to be more specific.

"We went back to the station and got sent out on another job a few weeks later," Raphael had finally relaxed. His legs were out stretched and he was leaning on his hand, letting the wall hold him up. "It was normal for me, what I was trained to do from the beginning," he looked over at Leonardo. "What happened with you? When you first killed someone, I mean."

Leonardo was sitting up with his legs crossed and his elbows leaning on his knees. He thought a little more, trying to recall what he could. "It was one of the first real patrols we went on," he let out a little grin. "Mikey was so excited," he shook his head while still grinning. "Being out and running on the rooftops is one of his favorite things. I think he likes the room, the freedom." Leonardo leaned more on his right arm, his left one dropping into his lap. "We had come across some Purple Dragons in the process of robbing a store. They were more than us number wise but they were cocky and didn't now much about proper fighting techniques." Leonardo looked seriously at his brother. "The three of us were taking them down at a pretty fast rate but one of them pulled out a gun. He aimed it at Don and I did what I felt was my only option. I got him with my swords."

"How?"

"The guy was in front of me, his back to me. Don didn't even see him until it was almost too late. I caught him out of the corner of my eye, spun around and took his head clean off."

"So it was either him or Donnie," Raphael shrugged "You did what you had to do, I did what I was told to do."

"I guess if I were in your shoes, all that killing would start to bother me too," Leonardo admitted.

Raphael grabbed both of the bo staffs and stood up. Shaking his head at his brother's words, he quietly walked over and put the weapons back on the rack. He let out a sigh and stood quiet for a minute trying to figure out how to get his point across. He turned his head to see Leonardo had already stood up and was walking over to him. Raphael let out a "Humph," and shrugged his shoulders.

"What?" Leonardo asked, arms folded, standing still.

Raphael started walking toward the door to leave the room; looking back he talked to his brother as he headed out. "You still don't get it do you?"

"Get what?"

In a very calm voice Raphael answered, "Killing doesn't bother me Leo. Never has, maybe that's the problem."


End file.
